Building a Relationship Between Things That Have None
The Countdown is off... to a slow start.
Deck Them is a weekly newsletter exploring the Hallmark Channel’s 15th annual Countdown to Christmas. Share the joy ⭐
We’re seven days into Countdown to Christmas’ around-the-clock holiday movies. Opening weekend premieres performed 15–30% lower than last year, but that could be a result of the early start. Will we see a boost once streaming numbers are in? Or will things remain slow until after Election Week?
Our magic snow globe predicts Hallmark will lean heavily on the holiday hijinks this year (and snow).
‘TWAS THE DATE BEFORE CHRISTMAS
Oh, fake dating. As no trope is. Faithful and disappointing. A long favorite plot device of romance novels and romantic comedies, fake dating is all about forced proximity and the feelings of tenderness that stem from it. External pressures force two strangers (or two enemies) into intimacy; the tension stems from the underlying question in every moment of public affection. Do they actually mean it? Are they just acting?
‘Twas the Date Before Christmas employs this trope and then abandons it right as the delicious tension could begin (and before everyone’s favorite fake dating scenario was deployed: THERE IS ONLY ONE BED!) Still, the premise was enough for a delightfully warm watch, as we see romantic lead Amy Groening use an online dating site to rope Robert Buckley into being her blind date to her family’s (intense) holiday festivities. All in the name of saving Christmas, of course.
As the first new movie in the Countdown, Date Before only saw 1.194 million viewers, but keep an eye on Robert Buckley. The scarf he wears in Date Before is going viral, and he got top-billing in People Magazine’s list of the 26 Sexiest Hallmark Hunks.
HOLIDAY CRASHERS
She had a panic attack while taking the bar exam. Now she’s working at a stationary store. She’s looking for fun, food, dancing, distraction. She found love, but she’s been lying. Can he ever forgive her? With a little holiday magic, maybe.
Lyndsy Fonseca (Hallmark’s answer to Lizzy Kaplan) and Chris McNally (Hallmark’s answer to Trevor Moore) star in Holiday Crashers (Hallmark’s answer to Wedding Crashers), which brought in 1.551 million viewers — the highest of this weekend’s premieres — but that’s likely more to do with co-star Danielle Monet (of Disney Channel fame).
Crashers seems to be the consensus favorite online, but we just don’t see it. Not because the leads say “Christmas crashers” no less than three times, but because, ultimately, it was too cynical.
Sometimes Hallmark will take a big swing on their heel turns, hoping the redemption arc sees a higher payout. That kind of tightrope act requires more charm, better chemistry than were at play in Crashers.
Not even a personal injury attorney with a heart of gold could save this one.
SCOUTING FOR CHRISTMAS
We were in town for a wedding, but now we’re in a corner of Harry Reid International wearing the clothes we rode in on, watching someone play five lines on Glitter Kitties. We only heard “Viva Las Vegas” once during the entire trip.
When people write about Hunter S. Thompson’s work ethic and writing habits, they don’t include details like, oh, there he was in the corner of Terminal One, bright-eyed, typing away, polished clean. And so we won’t.
And so we didn’t catch Scouting for Christmas, but only because we were celebrating love — and what’s more Hallmark than that?
Not to keep trend-forecasting this late in the game, but unless Hallmark’s press release is off, Scouting is one of only two food-related originals debuting this season (My Sweet Austrian Holiday, which airs Thursday, October 31, involves a chocolatier), marking a possible turn from the cookies in the oven comfort of seasons past.
We’ll miss watching Lacey Chabert bake gingerbread in commercial conveyor pizza ovens.
We’ll have four new originals this week since Hallmark Mystery will begin airing their movies tonight. The main channel will lead off with Operation Nutcracker on Friday, then The Christmas Charade on Saturday, followed by The 5-Year Christmas Party on Sunday 8/7c.
Here we go a Hallmark-ing on the eve of Halloween!